What Is Gray Divorce? A Guide to Ending a Marriage After 50s

Published On: 8 August, 2024
What Is Gray Divorce? A Guide to Ending a Marriage After 50s

Divorce rates in the United States have been steadily dropping over the last several years, but not in one age group – those who are 50 and over. Divorce rates for older Americans are skyrocketing, a phenomenon that is known as “gray divorce.” And if you’re reading this now, chances are you are among this growing demographic.

Maybe your partner ran off with someone new, or you’ve realized you can’t bear to spend your golden years being miserable. You may have simply grown apart, and once your children left the nest you realized you had nothing in common. No matter what the reason for your gray divorce, you need legal help dividing your assets fairly so you can move forward.

Whether you never dreamed your marriage would end or you’ve been dreaming of this moment for decades, our guide to gray divorce will help.

Introduction to Gray Divorce

“Gray divorce” is a term used to describe the rising trend of divorce among older couples, typically those over the age of 50 who have been in long-lasting marriages. Even if your hair isn’t gray, if you’re ending your marriage and planning retirement at the same time, you are experiencing a gray divorce. And you are far from alone.

The Rise in Gray Divorce Rates

Gray divorce has been on the rise in recent years. These statistics show a current snapshot of the current state of gray divorce in the United States:

  • According to the Pew Research Center, since the 1990s, the divorce rate for adults aged 50 and over has roughly doubled
  • According to the National Institute of Health, in 2010, out of every 1,000 married people aged 50 and older, 10 divorced compared to five in 1990.
  • According to the AARP, while only 8.7% of all divorces in 1990 were among the 50 and older age group, by 2019, more than one-third (36%) of all divorces in the country were in the 50 years and older age group.
  • According to a survey conducted by AARP in 2004, in divorces involving individuals over the age of 40, women are the ones who file for divorce in more than 60% of cases.

So what is causing this increase in gray divorce? The rise in gray divorce is attributed to many factors, which we’ll cover next.

Why Gray Divorce Happens

There are plenty of reasons gray divorce happens in the United States, and many of the most common factors directly relate to changes in our society. In a nutshell, people aren’t staying in miserable marriages anymore just because they feel like they have to. Here are some of the reasons why:

  • Financial independence: There was a time that wives stayed home and were more financially dependent on their husbands, but that time is no more. Many women today have their own careers and assets, so they can afford to leave – and so they do.
  • Longer life expectancy: As life expectancies increase, so does the amount of time you’d have to stay in a bad marriage if you stayed together. And so, many people are less willing to try to stick it out.
  • Changing social norms: As divorce has become more common and socially acceptable, and there is less stigma attached to gray divorce, so older people are less likely to stay unhappily married out of shame or embarrassment. .
  • Empty nest syndrome: You may have devoted your whole life to your kids while you and your partner slowly grew apart. Now that the kids are gone, people may realize they no longer feel obligated to remain in the marriage.
  • Infidelity: Sex drives can change over the years, lonely partners may seek affection elsewhere, and after decades, chronic cheaters may still be cheating. Many older people are no longer willing to put up with this kind of unhappiness.
  • Self-fulfillment: As people live longer, they may seek personal growth and fulfillment, which can be at odds with their long-term marriage.
  • Cumulative stress: Years of unresolved conflicts, resentment, or growing apart can eventually take their toll on a marriage and on your mental and physical health.

If you’re going through a gray divorce now or you’re thinking about it, chances are several factors from the above list play a part in it. These factors, combined with the overall increased acceptance of divorce, have contributed to the rising trend of gray divorce in recent years.

There aren’t any special laws that apply to gray divorce. In general, the process is the same as that of any other divorce. However, there may be some unique considerations you may want to keep in mind if you’re about to enter into the process. These include:

Filing for divorce

The first step in the legal process of gray divorce is filing. This happens when one of you files a petition for divorce with the court. This is when you will cite grounds for divorce, such as irreconcilable differences or abandonment. The grounds for divorce you cite will depend on your state’s laws, as each state’s laws regarding grounds for divorce are different.

Spousal support (alimony)

After being married for a long time, one spouse might have the right to receive financial support from the other, particularly if there’s a big difference in how much money they make or how much they could potentially earn in the future. This financial support helps to ensure that both people can maintain a similar standard of living after the divorce.

Healthcare considerations

When older couples get divorced, they might worry about how they’ll get health insurance afterwards. If one person was covered by their spouse’s health insurance plan through work, they’ll probably need to find their own insurance coverage. This can be done by looking into options like COBRA or by purchasing an individual health insurance plan on the market.

Finalization of divorce

Older couples may decide to opt for alternate dispute resolution methods in your gray divorce, such as mediation. Whether you go this route or you end up in court in front of a judge, this is the end of the road. Once all issues are resolved, the court grants a final divorce decree, legally ending the marriage.

When you are filing for divorce after 50, you may have spent a lifetime building assets and a family together. Untangling and dividing the decades you spent together is typically no easy task. That’s why it’s advisable for you to consult a family law attorney who has experience with gray divorce to help with the process.

Filing for divorce always has the potential to become complex – and fast. This is especially true when it comes to asset division in gray divorce. Couples often have significant assets you’ve accumulated over the course of a long marriage, and some of these assets may also have decades of sentimental attachment, making it harder to give them up or divide them.

These are some of the main areas of navigating asset division in gray divorce you may be facing:

  • Identifying and valuing assets: The first step in navigation asset division is to create a list of all of your marital assets. This should include everything from vehicles to investments to collectibles. You may want to consult a professional appraiser for high-value items.
  • Distinguishing marital vs. separate property: You are also going to need to determine which of your assets count as community property and which are separate property. Generally, you will divide marital property while you’ll each hang on to your own separate property.
  • Splitting up retirement accounts: Dividing 401(k)s or pensions is an important part of gray divorce. To make sure that these assets are divided fairly and legally, you might need to get a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO), which tells the retirement plan administrator how to distribute the funds according to the divorce settlement.
  • Considering the tax implications: When you’re splitting up your assets, keep in mind that there might be tax consequences depending on the type of asset. For instance, if you divide a 401(k) or a pension, it could have a different impact on your taxes compared to selling a house that you own together or dividing up an investment account.
  • Anticipating estate planning complications: In divorces between older people, there may be estate plans that need to be updated. Be sure to update any wills, trusts, or beneficiaries as necessary.

Remember, the division of assets in a gray divorce can have significant long-term financial implications. One mistake can leave you without enough financial support to last through retirement. It’s best to seek advice from a financial expert and a family law attorney to protect your interests.

Retirement Funds and Social Security Benefits

When older couples get divorced, accounts like 401(k)s, IRAs, and pensions from the time you were married usually have to be divided. To do this without paying extra taxes, you need a special legal form called a QDRO. The value of the retirement accounts is figured out based on when you separated or divorced.

If you were married for at least 10 years and got divorced, you might be able to get Social Security benefits based on your ex-spouse’s work record when you turn 62 and are single. You could receive up to half of their full retirement benefit if it’s more than what you’d get from your own work record.

Claiming this way won’t lower your ex-spouse’s benefits. You can claim as soon as your ex is eligible for retirement benefits, even if they haven’t filed yet. But if you claim before your own full retirement age, your benefits will be lower. And if you remarry, you usually can’t collect benefits from your ex unless the new marriage ends.

Challenges Unique to Gray Divorce

During and after a gray divorce, you may face some unique challenges that you might not experience during a divorce when you are younger. These can include:

  • Limited earning potential: It can be hard to financially recover from gray divorce, especially if you haven’t been working for a long time or are close to retiring. This is particularly true for those who have taken time away from their careers to raise children or manage the household.
  • Healthcare concerns: During a gray divorce, you need to figure out how you’ll handle things like health insurance and long-term care policies. It’s important to carefully consider these healthcare-related issues during the divorce process to ensure that both of you are protected and prepared for their future medical needs.
  • Adult children: Even though couples going through a gray divorce usually don’t have to deal with child custody matters, the process can still have a significant emotional effect on their grown-up children. Adult kids may find it hard to navigate their loyalty to each parent, especially during family gatherings or when holiday traditions might change.
  • Social and emotional adjustments: After a long marriage, you may find adapting to single life again to be a challenge. You may also need to rebuild your social network if your friends take sides in the divorce. You may also start dating again for the first time in decades. It may feel like a lot now, but take your time and you will adjust.

By taking each challenge as it comes, keeping an open mind, and not being afraid to ask for help if you need it, you can and will move forward from this.

Moving Forward After Gray Divorce

Going through a gray divorce can be challenging, to say the least. But there are things you can do to make your life easier and even better during and after the process. One of the most important things you can do for yourself during this difficult time is to accept that you will need to move forward; don’t let yourself get hung-up on the past.

If you are upset about the divorce or maybe you are even against it, allow yourself to process your feelings so you can let go. Otherwise, you may end up left behind while your ex-spouse moves on and enjoys life. It can be easy to sink into bitterness when you’re feeling wronged. That’s why it’s so important to talk to a therapist if you’re experiencing negative feelings.

On top of regular check-ins with your therapist, staying physically healthy is also an important part of moving forward after gray divorce. Keep moving during the process. Get outside for walks, eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and spend time with people and doing activities that make you happy. This is your chance to discover yourself and grow as a person.

Contact the RIGHT Lawyers for Help With Your Gray Divorce

If you are considering a gray divorce or you have already begun the process, you need to have the right legal team on your side to protect your rights. Our experienced family law attorneys understand the unique challenges of divorcing later in life, and we can guide you through the process with skill and compassion.

Don’t navigate this difficult journey alone. Contact the team at RIGHT Lawyers and schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

With our expertise and support, you can move forward with confidence and build a secure, fulfilling future for yourself and your loved ones. Take the first step towards a brighter tomorrow – call us now at 702-825-6879 or contact us online.